punching today in the face

one day at a time-since april 1, 2012

How To Make Love

fuck-yeah-its-vince:

joshverdi:

fergflash:

madehimsaycomfychairs:

halffizzbin:

cricketandperv:

violetsunnyklaus:

About seven years ago, all my friends my age got married. And about three years after that, they all started having babies, which set into motion the idea that eventually they’re gonna have to talk about sex to their kids. And that just freaks me out. I have cats—they were broken, but now they’re fixed—so I don’t have to worry about this. However, if I had the opportunity to suddenly be confronted by my son as a young man asking me for advice about sex… with girls… this is what I would say.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.

Love, Dad.

This guy’s writing is fantastic. And also OMG STAR WARS.

Holy shit this is literally all you need to know.

THIS IS AWESOME

I was going to reblog this anyway because it’s pretty fantastic…and then I got to the Star Wars reference. And it became a perfect post.

Perfect

Babe, this is literally all my knowledge

(Source: marleetargaryen, via bohemianarthouse)

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

—Buddhist Saying (via thelenaubr)

(via bohemianarthouse)

magdolenelives: dudesforchoice: dudes against rape culture. “Several protesters hold a banner in response to the UNC-Chapel Hill student court accusation that Landen Gambill, a sophomore who was accused of intimidating an ex-boyfriend after she spoke out about sexual assault is “guilty” of intimidating her attacker.” [story here]“It is our responsibility as members of a community to hold ourselves and our neighbors accountable for upholding the status quo, which currently entitles the perpetrators of violence to greater protection than is granted to survivors,” said Sarah Kathryn Bryan, a second-year student. “We each have a moral duty to create a hostile environment for rapists.”

magdolenelives:

dudesforchoice:

dudes against rape culture.

“Several protesters hold a banner in response to the UNC-Chapel Hill student court accusation that Landen Gambill, a sophomore who was accused of intimidating an ex-boyfriend after she spoke out about sexual assault is “guilty” of intimidating her attacker.” [story here]

“It is our responsibility as members of a community to hold ourselves and our neighbors accountable for upholding the status quo, which currently entitles the perpetrators of violence to greater protection than is granted to survivors,” said Sarah Kathryn Bryan, a second-year student. “We each have a moral duty to create a hostile environment for rapists.”

Picture yourself when you were five. In fact, dig out a photo of little you at that time and tape it to your mirror. How would you treat her, love her, feed her? How would you nurture her if you were the mother of little you? I bet you would protect her fiercely while giving her space to spread her itty-bitty wings. She’d get naps, healthy food, imagination time, and adventures into the wild. If playground bullies hurt her feelings, you’d hug her tears away and give her perspective. When tantrums or meltdowns turned her into a poltergeist, you’d demand a loving time-out in the naughty chair. From this day forward I want you to extend that same compassion to your adult self.

—

Kris Carr (via eibmorb)

gotta try this.

(Source: day488, via magdolenelives)

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

—Buddhist Saying  (via thatkindofwoman)

(Source: thelenaubr, via bohemianarthouse)

Sex is an art. There should be no shame in having to learn it, to practice it, to ask questions about it, to communicate with one’s partner about it, to plan for it, to read about it, to experiment with it. We shouldn’t have to feel like failures in magnetic sexual power when we prove not to be mind readers who can expertly figure out all that a specific partner needs and wants without ever having to talk about it explicitly. We shouldn’t feel like our pleasures are unreal or not worth it for our partners if they take some work to achieve. We shouldn’t have to feel like we cannot deliberately schedule sex lest it be inherently routinized. We shouldn’t feel like there is no way to deliberately create a sexual mood lest we be faking it. We shouldn’t have to fear that committing to a lifetime of sex with someone (whether monogamously or polyamorously) is a death sentence to passion. In lovemaking familiarity can breed an intimacy and mutual understanding and rhythm and experimentation and practice and mutual experience that can make the whole thing richer and more reliably satisfying than many barely pre-discussed one night stands with all their risks of miscommunication and hit-and-miss experiments and social norms against treating sex like something intimate friends do rather than something only for the mindless animals within us all.